Radical Gratitude
November 20, 2025
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Gratitude transforms pain into a source of strength.
We’re coming up on the one day a year given over to gratitude. But what’s to be thankful for when you’re suffering with Stage 4 cancer?
In a world that constantly demands more—more achievement, more consumption, more speed—it’s almost radical to pause, to look closely at the ordinary miracles of our lives, and to acknowledge the interconnected web of relationships, circumstances, and small mercies that sustain us.
But that’s exactly what poet and author David Whyte says is needed: "Gratitude is a radical act of attention."
We’re conditioned to focus on lack: what we don't have, what we haven't achieved, what we might lose. Gratitude focuses our attention from what is lacking in our lives to what is abundant.
The practice of gratitude literally reshapes our brains. By consciously focusing our attention on the positive aspects of life, we rewire our brains to notice and appreciate the good, creating a more optimistic and resilient mindset. It’s as if our brains can be trained the way muscles are.
For people living with advanced cancer – like the patients I work with at the American Cancer Society in New York City – gratitude is not an exercise in pretending everything is fine, but a link to what is beautiful and meaningful in life.
There’s a ton of science testifying to the therapeutic benefits of practicing gratitude.
Scientific studies consistently point to gratitude as powerful therapy that spans
mental, cognitive, and physical areas:
• Greater emotional and social well-being
• Reduced depression
• Enhanced overall mental health
• Less anxiety
• Better coping by reframing negatives in order to see the positive
• Better physical health
• Sleep and heart health improvement
• Stronger immune system
• Lower blood pressure
All this just from saying “Thank You.”
Then there’s poetry – which offers something science cannot: the language to articulate and share the grace of giving thanks.
Like these lines from Rainer Maria Rilke:
Let this darkness be a bell towerand you the bell. As you ring,what batters you becomes your strength.
Poetry spotlights the overlooked. It distills truth from everyday experience. It notices the unnoticed. It changes not what we have, but how we observe what we have. It offers us a path to gratitude's transformative power.
Here’s a caveat, though. Trying to force an attitude of positivity that dismisses genuine pain only creates additional suffering.
True gratitude coexists with grief, fear, and anger. We can feel devastated by a terminal diagnosis and at the same time be grateful for the nurse who holds our hand.
Psychologist Robert Emmons, a leading researcher on gratitude, encourages the practice of reflecting on moments of beauty, connection, and kindness – even in the midst of suffering. Gratitude is about transforming pain into a source of strength.
Expressing our gratitude can even benefit the people around us. When we’re in pain but still choose to express appreciation – for care received, for time together, for life itself – we invite others to remain present rather than back away out of a sense of discomfort.
Poet Mary Oliver, who died of cancer, says this:
"To live in this world you must be able to do three things: to love what is mortal; to hold it against your bones knowing your own life depends on it; and, when the time comes to let it go, to let it go."