Know Thyself

I used to think these words chiseled into the Temple of Apollo in ancient Delphi are simplistic. Of course I know myself. I’ve been living with me my whole life.

But it’s made me ask myself: do I believe in an image of myself that I’ve unconsciously created in the minds of others out of fear of rejection? And if I let go of this image, who’s left?

I was shaped by others. All of us are. My father, who never thought enough of me to make me an intimate part of his life, was one. My Catholic upbringing and its traditions ground the lens of my worldview. A career in the corporate world broke my free-wheeling creativity the way you do a bucking young stallion.

Today I’m still clay in the hands of movies, op-ed pieces, social media influencers, advertisers, chance comments by people whose approval I crave. So who am I?

That’s the bad news. The good news is that I’m not alone in this quandary. 

Discovering you’re a stranger to your "real self" has been a persistent theme in literature, philosophy, and spirituality. 

Monk and mystic Thomas Merton packed his journals with his struggle to free himself of social masks, ego, self-doubt – even as he passed his days enveloped in the silence and solitude of the cloister.

Long before Merton, Augustine of Hippo was a pioneer of the introspective autobiography. We can say his entire spiritual journey was a search for his true identity in relation to the transcendent. 

Etty Hillesum, a young Dutch Jewish writer who was murdered in Auschwitz in 1943, wrote in her diary: 

"The ultimate and highest aspiration is to strip oneself of everything petty and superficial and to become a completely transparent instrument."

Carl Jung made the "real self" his life's work – to integrate the hidden parts of the psyche and discover his true self rather than the persona society invited.

Søren Kierkegaard argued that most people live in a state of despair. They either refuse to be themselves, with all their inborn motives, vanities, and wants, or actively try to be someone else.

Poet Rainer Maria Rilke advised us to “live the questions” instead of the packaged answers, trusting that the authentic self will emerge.

Thoreau's little adventure at Walden Pond cut away cultural clutter to find the essential, aiming to meet his soul face-to-face without the interference of societal convention.

Shall I go on?

It’s a comfort to know I am not alone in this journey to the self. But it’s also daunting to realize the painful work ahead that awaits me. 

Now I know how Frodo felt taking his first, Hobbit-sized step toward the vast, dark realm of Mordor.